By Nathan, on November 4th, 2009
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Photo Credit: puroticorico
It can be stressful and destabilizing to find yourself in new circumstances. Children have more problems in this area than adults, but “grown-ups” can have trouble here too. This trouble develops when others seem to control your circumstances. Examples include:
- Single Parent beginning to date again
- Family moving to a new locale for work (after being in one place for at least a few years.
- Becoming or getting a new step-parent
- A new place, job or school.
- Suddenly becoming single again after a long time with someone.
In a way, this is related to option 1. A change has been “forced” upon you. But – let’s clear one thing up:
No change is ever truly forced on you.
There are options. If you are the instigator of the change, then take the others that will be affected into consideration. Try to give ample time for others (especially children, who believe themselves powerless because we believe them powerless) to prepare and accept their circumstances. Everyone likes to have a voice. Let them have it.
If you are being affected by the instigator’s change, assuming that it isn’t a harmful change (i.e. drug abuse or any abuse, violence or neglect), then take a step back from your situation. Look at it. Then break it down into manageable pieces. Handle a little at a time. Help children do this too. Resist the urge to take everything on at once (see option 1). When it’s broken down, it’s easier to regain control. Loss of control is what is stressful in new circumstances. Let those who were brought into the new circumstances by you have some control too. It will help everyone.
If you need some help, please find a therapist or psychologist that you feel comfortable with and talk about it. The benefit to this rather than talking it over with friends and relatives is that a therapist does not have a vested interest in your circumstances. They have an interest in helping you help yourself. Any therapist that lacks this interest should be avoided.
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